All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".

"I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The moral of the story? The a**hole is usually in charge.

Nasty friend

Before making a decision whether to be friends with the girl you have been seeing (sexually), or not, analyse what type she belongs to.

A commander
The girl of this type orders you about, dictates what to do and what not to do. In this case don’t be afraid to speak your mind. If she takes your arguments with understanding continue being friends. If not – part at once. Don’t transform your life into hell.

A nuisance (a bore)
She is sure to present any situation in a threatening dull way and devoid your life of any brightness and happiness. This will tell upon your nerves. But it’s useless to prove the opposite to a bore. First – say “ stop” to her.

An owner
She wants you to be near her all the time. She doesn’t care for the things that you are busy with and the things that interests you. She wouldn’t stand any other friends of yours but her. In short you are just her slave. Try to talk things over with her, if she presents not to understand what you are speaking about then decide for yourself. I'd say "ditch the BIT*H."

A truth lover
She sees the point of friendship in being honest and would stop at nothing in her criticism. Though sometimes her advice is worth listening to, still the manner of doing it may hurt you. Tell her straight out what you think about her.

A failure
It’s common for people to make friends at school, at the institute, at club, etc. When they are of the same social status. Later, your status might change and you may occupy higher position then your friend does. For some time, through the force of habit you continue being friends, but can’t help realizing that the point of friendship has changed. Think it over.

Five more problematic friends:
A fatal woman (femme fatal)
A classical variant: she will start flirting with your boyfriend even if she doesn’t mean it.

A lively example
She will keep telling you that she has experienced a similar situation in her life, but behaved herself in a more clever, courageous, resourceful way.

A daring one
She will try to involve you in all her fantastic projects and will take offence at your refusal.

An aggrieved one
She keeps complaining that she is devoid of so many things in her life  - good appearance, parents, money, position in life, some traits of character and so on. You are supposed to just listen to it and feel guilty.

A queen
Suddenly she decides that she is no ordinary person, a royal one and you are supposed to be her retinue.

And now let’s come up to the main question: To fight for a problematic friend or not?

The problem – some friendship is worth fighting for, another one is not. What to do?
1) If some changes in your private or business life confuse your friend, because she is afraid it might alienate you from her. Remember: all that unites you and try to improve the situation.

2)  Your friend seems not to need your advice, she doesn’t want to load you down with her problems. Ask her to do you a favor then perhaps she will turn to you for some advice or help.

3) Your friend who goes through some misfortunes in her life is very pleased if you are in the same position. Organize a sort of competition “ Who is the most unhappy” and put down your and her misfortunes. Trying to find the way out of somebody else’s problem is very helpful.

4) Your friend doesn’t leave you in peace even for a moment, which is quite unusual for her. Invite her to your place at night, explain it by the feeling of extreme loneliness and inquire if she has never felt the same.

What a girl wants

A girl wants a man. A wealthy man, a successful men, a famous man, an interesting man, a macho, a talented man, a loving man, a man she loves, a father for her children, a friend, a sex-machine – details may differ, but the main point stays the same. She wants a man. Some females want just money or a career, but if she denies her willingness to meet a real man – she lies. Moreover, girl’s demands to what she calls a good man vary as she gets older.

A girl of 22 wants... a prince on a white horse. A girl may claim she’s realistic and doesn’t look on the world through the pink glasses, but she’ll never confess dreaming of an ideal man. He’s got to be handsome, charming, popular. He’s got to be rich - probably not so rich, but always in funds. Of course, he’s got to be generous to spend money on her. He’s got to be smart, brilliantly smart– to some girls it’s even more important than being very handsome, but of course his mind is never more important than his purse. He’s got to have a great sense of humor, to be athletic, stylish, romantic and a good listener, tender lover and... well, the list of his qualities can be prolonged on and on. A girl wants a man to adore her and to make her the goddess with flowers, gifts and promises of eternal love laid at her feet.

A girl of 32 wants... just a good man. She has finally taken off those pink glasses and got rid of romantic fantasies. So her good man mustn’t be a hero – he is good-looking, has good manners, a well-paid job, a good car, a good house, and a good sum of money on a credit card. Also he carries bags from supermarket, likes her home-cooked dinners, laughs at her jokes, remembers the most important dates – like her mom’s birthday, and able to express tenderness not less than one time per week. Such a nice domestic kind of a good man.

A girl of 42 wants... just a man. That ordinary kind of man is not a movie star, he even has a belly instead of muscles– good if the shirt covers it all; sometimes a head lacking hair, but still isn’t too disgusting. He shaves by the weekends, is still “athletic” enough to do some housework, remembers where to laugh in the jokes, nods to show he’s listening, takes her out once a month, drives her to the supermarket and back, doesn’t set the car in motion until all women’s parts of body are in, and puts the water-closet pan’s seat down.

A girl of 52 wants... well she just lives with that man. It’s really nice if he remembers her name, shaves during weekends, sometimes gets a haircut, changes underwear and socks regularly, borrows money not too often, tries to behave himself in public. It’s great if he also finds the strength to leave the coach for some weekends, notices delicious dinner while watching TV, doesn’t always fall asleep while listening to a person. By this age a woman doesn’t expect much, in fact she asks for the very minimum.

A girl of 62... wants a man who won’t disturb her too often. She’s a lucky one, if he’s not too scary to make his own grandchildren cry, if he still remembers where the bathroom is, where his teeth are, what month it is, who this woman is, what he is laughing at, and etc. A woman will appreciate his ability to get up, dress properly without much help from her side. The top of all dreams is if it doesn’t cost a lot to keep that man, and if there are some places in the house, where his snore doesn’t reach.

A girl of 72... well, some “girls” do live that long, but what about men? Are you sure he’s still breathing? And he doesn’t leave puddles in the water-closet? Oh, that’s a real treasure for a tired girl of 72.